Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
