I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
