One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
