i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
