im having a threesome with these popsicles
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So I just went to clothing optional bar
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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