Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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