yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
