dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
