We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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