i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm always down for nudity.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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