We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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