she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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