Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
