No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
