I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
FUCK WHALES
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