Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Randomize
