It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
