it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
