I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
