it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
