Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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