I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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