his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
