some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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