The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
