So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
