I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
