Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So vagazzling was a success
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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