There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
