I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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