I am puke
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
