I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
