I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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