Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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