I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I love you. Go after that dick
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
