Is it normal to miss your booty call?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
