he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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