all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
