I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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