bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
