the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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