well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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