I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
