watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
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