so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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