im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
