bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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