Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
