these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
