Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
