she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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